Fore Lore

20090526 3 comments

I am calmed by calamity. It’s not that bad things happen to good people as much as bad things happen and good people get in the way. I don’t know what happened; I probably never will but whether it was good or not simply depends on my point of view. Good things happen to bad people too. In fact a good thing happening to a bad person is a bad thing happening to a good person. A bad thing that happened to a good person could be a good thing. One man’s good is another man’s bad. Something bad may happen in the past that helps the greater good. Our future may be in jeopardy because we are, at present, negligently living the good life. Will good always be good and bad forever bad or is it just a matter of time?  They met and talked over dinner. It went really well. They really hit it off. In fact you would think by the way they carried on that they had known each other before.  After formalities and introductions, I was pushed out of the picture. Apparently her studies in neurology and his engineering background gave them plenty to talk about. This mysterious BCI project of his was closely related to other research being done at the time; classified research concerning the study of brain waves using electromagnetism. Having very little to offer to the conversation I tried to interject where and whenever I could but failed miserably.  After dinner she sat in the study looking through his journals while he and I washed the dishes. Wiping his eyes with the back of this hand, he told me how he missed her. She always cooked, he always cleaned and while he would be cleaning the kitchen she would be sitting in the study reading. Sometimes she would stay there all night eventually falling asleep in his big brown leather chair. Not wanting to wake her, he would tenderly cover her with their fleece throw. Late in the night, sitting across from her, he would occasionally see her smile in her sleep. He said he never asked her what she dreamt about, but he always believed those smiles were when she dreamt of him. Before we finished, there was a long pause; his eyes stayed closed and I stayed silent. Looking at him remembering her was comforting to me. I realize now that despite whatever it is I can’t remember, I’ll remember this. I remember her, now, I remember this night and the nights we’ve had before; I remember her, here; I remember us now and that’s enough.

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Walk King

20090522 2 comments

I am sauntered by a stroll. Easy come, easy go. I don’t see how that is so. It’s never with little effort we approach someone and it’s always strenuous to leave them. It isn’t easy when we do it. Even when we take it easy it can be difficult. Being anxious with anxiety doesn’t allow us to calmly consider the consequences. It hasn’t been easy but I’ve made it through the uneasiness I feel. It won’t be easy but I’ll get past it. It’s easier to act wisely after an occurrence; looking back without regret. Looking forward I see my future is approaching me with ease. Reflecting backwards to my past I see it leaving me effortlessly. If I only knew now what I will know, what I did know then; could I take it easy? We walked late into the night at times holding hands on occasion intertwining fingers. Passing as if we were on parade and all eyes upon us the moon softly shone to light our way. The city square was open and bare there was not a consumer in sight. The vendors tailored to our every whim, approaching us begging for our attention entreating us to give them our consideration. The noble ones (the knights), bowing to us as we passed, made an about-face and rode away to announce our arrival. The prophets (the bishops), arriving at their stores, seem to have consulted scripture for they knew that we’d be there. The swindlers (the rooks) although not fleeing from their posts, cowered in the corners hoping to cheat their impending doom. She was their queen, their sovereign, their hope. I was her companion, her courtier and her confidant. Pondering my promotion, I realized that earlier that day I was their equal but tonight, being with her, I was their king! Coursing the cobblestone path we walked into the café; bells rang as I opened the door. She spoke to the blue haired girl behind the counter with kindness and consideration. She ordered a green tea and told her she liked her hair. I was bold and far less eco-friendly. I commanded this blue haired munchkin to provide me my usual; a cappuccino, with no sugar and just a sprinkle of cinnamon.  Actually, I politely asked for a cappuccino, I did my own cinnamon sprinkle. We walked around the café examining their trinkets and whatnots. We talked about listening to music and playing games. I wondered if she’d played chess but I didn’t ask. What seemed to be just a few fleeting moments later; I walked her home. Again I kissed her good night but this time my mind was able to linger on the thought as I floated back to my place, into bed and off to sleep.

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Attract Shone

I am ensued by an occurrence. Sometimes we make things happen Sometimes things just happen. Nevertheless we can’t make whatever happens happen. It just happens. It would be nice if from time to time we could make what we never dreamed would happen, happen but we can’t.  It never happened. When it happens to be in your power to make it happen you are powerless.  It just so happens that you feel helpless when it happens. Then again, when nothing happens, our strength and resolve are put to the test. That will never happen again; this never happened before. Doubt has no place in determining the condition of a heart. Silence may kill a conversation but the conference between our mind and their heart will continue for as long as our heart is on their mind. What could possibly be stronger then the interwoven bond of attraction between the heart and mind? There we were positioned as a king and queen standing before their subjects. The peasants and pawns continued to stream into the theater anxious of what they were about to see but she and I were relaxed. We didn’t have tickets; even in haste I was too late in acquiring them. Standing there on the terrace, over the concourse watching the crowd gathered at the entrance below, we talked. Talking with her was familiar; it was as if I had known her for many years. Standing next to me she leaned closer as she pointed to a shadow of moonlight in the distance. The attraction was natural. There’s a cushion before contact, a force is felt like the pushes and pulls of two magnets the instant before they connect. As a child I remember playing with that cushion of attraction, holding back the pull, and then rotating the magnets until feeling the push as they slide apart. Polarity is not dependent on position although sometimes we exert a pull and other times a push. I kissed her in my mind with the kiss I had kissed her with countless times before. Opening my eyes seeing that hers were still closed I was in a peaceful time and place. With the rushing of the wind around me I turned to the tap the usher placed on my shoulder and we were escorted down the stairway and out the door.

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Walk About

20090515 2 comments

I am shadowing my pursuits. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. If I keep going down this path of disillusionment I’ll be sure to have another thing coming. I have a lot going for me yet I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. I have a great job that’s both flexible and fun. I know this beautiful girl who’s as intelligent as she is enlightening. My future is brighter because of my friendship with the old man of the past. For the most part, things are going well. Then again, there’s him, that hooded hoodlum. With him around I may never know what this world is really coming to. Why are we so interested in the comings and goings of people we’ve never met? Today, I followed him again, it wasn’t the first time. The first time I had followed him was the day I saw him at the market. After overhearing his rambling, I couldn’t help but wonder why he was here, whose transmission he’s trying to restore and what he plans on doing with it once he receives it. I waited for him outside so when he walked out of the store, I followed him to the bank on the corner. He wasn’t in there long; however he did appear to make a deposit. He carried two bags in but only carried one bag out. I never knew commodity trading could be so simple. I hope my milk’s not spoiled. Today he walked all the way to the hospital. He could have taken the train. I thought I must be crazy for following him but I kept following anyway. Finally arriving at the E.R. he went inside. I wanted to follow him in but I wasn’t sure how close could I get without him noticing me. I was fairly certain he wasn’t aware of me following him but it was better to be safe than sorry.  Sitting on the bench outside the spinning doorway I waited for nearly half an hour. I was distracted by the ambulance that arrived, its back doors opening and an old Irish guy jumping out screaming something about rent. I didn’t notice him again until he was halfway down the sidewalk walking away. Shaking off my daze I jumped up and hurriedly caught up to him. From there I followed him to a rental car business just two blocks away. He walked around the back into the repair shop. I stopped walking and began laughing at my stupidity. The transmission he was planning to receive must have been for one of the rental cars. Speaking of renting a car, I really need to get away.

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Read Alert

20090512 3 comments

I am irritated with my contentedness. For the past few weeks I have been happy to be here. I feel accepted; I feel I belong; I feel at home. I like the old man, he’s not getting any younger living in the past, he cares nothing for the future, but we’re friends for old times’ sake if for no other reason. When I ride the train and she’s there, we talk. It’s only been a couple of times but the brevity of the reunion makes our separation seem an eternity. I’m at ease to be here together, in the same time and place. My past, her present and whether he likes it or not his future. Why am I calmly waiting on edge for an amelioration that’s sure to be brewing?  The coffee was ready but the milk had been in my humming little friend for longer then it would ever have been in a cow. I woke up to a bowl of shredded wheat and water.  After diagramming my dataset, getting dressed just enough to save embarrassment I ventured out to the market on the corner.  Walking in, I deactivated the grocer’s intruder alert system. The bells that were barely hanging to the door jamb now chimed all the way to the floor. I was hit in the head then they rolled and rang off my shoulder, onto the newspaper rack and finally coming to rest at my feet. There wasn’t a big reaction from the man behind the counter, picking up the bell belt he gave a brief glance, setting it on the shelf instigated an elevated eyebrow then both eyes back to his book.  I turned around looking down the aisle wondering if I would be paying more for my milk. Shaking my head, I did a double take of what I saw out the windows past the magazine rack. I don’t know why but I’m glad I did. He didn’t notice me ducking down the aisle since he was looking up as he was looking in. I don’t know why he would have noticed me, he doesn’t know me, but I felt the urge to hide nonetheless. Walking in, sunglasses still on, he appeared to be mumbling to himself, reminding himself of something he had forgotten. I wanted to tell him who I was, who he was, and who he would become. But I didn’t, I didn’t know, I don’t know. I walked back down the aisle gave the grocer a five and told him to keep the buck-eleven in change. He could use it to repair his alert system, I didn’t need it.

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Outfall Fallout

20090508 2 comments

I am descending into the future. We slip and slide through time. Reminiscent of our childhood, our flowing to the future ought to be fun. The trivialities of maturity hinder us from letting the sincerities slide. There is excitement in slipping down a waterslide. We enjoy the force that pushes us forward, we’re propelled by it. We accept the force pulling us ahead, without it there could be no slide. At the end of a slide analogous to the end of a fall, there is a sudden stop. At that instant these forces seem to reverse themselves and we are immersed in what propelled us while that what pulled us weakens. Water lessens the strength of gravity, yet gravity pulls the water away. Before you know it your youth has slipped through your fingers and between the cracks of time.  Do we let our future slide by when we slip up in the past?  With my feet on the ground looking up towards the stars I disappeared into a burst of fascinating light.  Everything around me was gone. The brightness engulfed me. The warmth flowed from my face down the center of my neck conducting along the zipper of my wax flyer and onto my chest.  I heard only silence the city was quiet. Mesmerized not wanting to look away I felt a sinuous wind through my hair. The earth dropped from underneath me and I began to fly. Extending my arms as if to direct my flight, I perceived them severed in the light. In an instant the radiance of the light overwhelmed them as it swirled away and around the tips of my fingers. Continuing to climb upward I stalwartly looked ahead, sternly focused at my furthest destination. Within moments I ceased flying and began to float.  Swaying from side to side I looked downward as if to confirm my ascent. The analysis was cut short, while dropping my arms, in that moment of time my heart pushed aloft into my chest and I began to precipitately fall. I awoke shaking in a cold sweat, not knowing if this were a dream or a memory. It could be a dream of what I’ve done, yet the unfamiliarity of the fall insured me of something sure to come. An adrenaline rush for most of us comes from a hallucination of helplessness, for me the rush comes not from the fall but from the climb.

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Times Zero

20090505 6 comments

I am being propelled to the past. Something has to stop for something else to start. I have to stop writing these words so I can start to write these.  You have to stop reading the first part of this sentence, to start to read this last part. The past must come to an end if the future is ever to start. The starting starts when the stopping stops. We cannot live our future if we hold on to our past. We stop holding on to start moving on. Sometimes we stop at nothing just to start something. History has a way of repeating itself and those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. If we fail to recall the past, can history ever happen?  Surfing in the wonderful worldwide web, I uncovered a time in our past when everyone was forced to forget. In the thirteenth century, a time in our history, the powers that be impelled a compulsory amnesia.  There is very little evidence of this, as would be expected but there is a phrase that originated at that time an expression that means a time before time was remembered. Time whereof the memory of man runneth not to the contrary. Judicial jargon defines time immemorial as a time before legal history and beyond legal memory.  An ancient law set the year 1189 as the date before time began. Since no one was allowed to keep in mind dates prior to that time, cases could not be considered, grants would not be given and proof of possession was lost to the nonexistent past.  It took nearly 600 years for the courts to reverse their decision and proof of ownership was established with the tenure of twenty years. Legal memory from a fixed time was forsaken. Rights that had been given could not now be taken away simply by proving that they had not been given before time began.  Time began again. Our future began to begin when our past concluded that conclusion.  While concluding my investigation of yesteryear, I realized that our history will be our future if we fail to recall the precedents of the past. The time to come is the time before in a time out of mind.

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