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Constant Variable

I am a fraction of one. I have split. I have divided intentions. There’s a crack in time; an alienation of my mind. He’s following me; he’s following him. I set myself up for failure but at the same time fail to set myself up for success. I battle from within, a war that cannot be won. Losing is a victory and being defeated is my goal. I know him, he’s familiar. He’s unfriendly but he’s his friend. What happens to be happens to me. What’s happened to me has happened to him. I just happen, to make things happen, to make things happen, again.

When will the divisions I discern stop multiplying in my mind?

I asked him to pick up some groceries for me that day. I was ill. Being the caring and concerned man that I am, I also asked him to get some cans and non-perishables for the needy. The bank was just a few blocks from the store. I was hoping he would see the need to help those in need.

I had required his assistance the day before. He has the ability to get the reception of a transmission I’ve been missing. The digital conversion has had a much deeper impact in this city. We may be living in the digital age, but life will always be analog.

There are things I have to tell him without him knowing he’s been told. First he’ll need to realize where he is, then where he’s going and finally, where he’s been. You can’t tell someone where they are; you open their eyes and show them.

When he first arrived, I knew he would be confused. It was just a matter of time. I could see the uncertainty in his eyes standing in line at the coffee house. Clear your head get away, take a drive, I told him. Rent a car.

Of course, I knew the course he would take. A right turn here, the wrong turn there. He was sure to find a dead end. I didn’t know he would stop in front of my house to try to figure it all out. So, I went down to tell him I had forgotten, so he could remember. As he walked away, I could see him soaking it all in.

There are lessons only the game of life can teach. I can’t tell him what will happen when he finally loses his grip. Her love will lead him to what his future holds. I can’t warn him or mold him, but she can. He will be what he’s become. Although a king in his own mind, he’s been a pawn in the minds of others. She’s the answer we’re all looking for; she’s the solution to our equation. Perhaps this time, in his time, her expressions won’t be lost.

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